For the first twenty eight years of my life my surname was McNulty so when Dave and I became engaged I pondered for many months about whether to change my name to his surname, or to do the modern- independent-lady-thing and keep my ‘maiden’ name.
To me, a name is more important than just a word; it’s an identity, a story and entity in itself. Family wise I’m very close to my two brothers and changing my surname meant a differentation to them. We had always been a three- three siblings with the same name and I knew that I would miss it. Not only that, but as Michelle McNulty I had done many things in my life I was proud of. I’d grown as a person into a reasonably successful adult, I had created an identity with friends, colleagues and family. I had grown up in my local area and attended university and began my career in the Police and the Probation Service. Did I really want to change that?
I was also worried about the hassle. The practical side of things- changing my driving licence, passport, bank details and every other company under the sun that holds our records! It was an absolute minefield and I knew it would take years and years to fully change my name. But, in the end I made a decision, I would become a Crowther. I would take Dave’s name, follow tradition and hoped that when we had children as planned this would ensure we all had the same name and we would be the little family that I wanted to be. I suppose deep down away from my slightly feminist values I felt it important to show the world that my husband and I were a single unit, joined together by a common name too.
However of course dreams, wishes and plans do not always work out. Relationships do not stay the same, people change and ambition, motivation and paths collide. Marriages end. So what happens then? Are you supposed to keep your surname or revert back to your original identity? When Dave and I separated, several friends and family members asked me if I would be changing my name. My knee jerk response was ‘No way!’ But, as time has gone on I have been left considering the question. It feels so wrong to keep my ex husband’s name, yet it also feels very right because it’s who I’ve grown to be. The name isn’t mine, but it is mine. The change would be a hassle, but perhaps it’s worth it? Whilst working through the logistics and contacting all the companies with whom I have accounts is painfully tedious I realised that it shouldn’t be the reason not to change my name.
In the last few months I have witnessed several of my friends end their marriages. For some, within a few days their name has changed on the all important Facebook, documenting to their friends that they are now separated and that they are returning to their original identity. Others keep their name, the mention of changing it appears absourd. It’s now their name, their new identity and the hassle of changing it is probably a contributory factor! I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s personal choice. It’s a very important decision and it’s also one that I have struggled with.
But, I’ve made my decision. In my personal life I will be reverting back to my maiden name.
Once I made the decision, I came to my blog to write a post about it because in times of need and to organise my thoughts, that is what I do! However I suddenly realised, my name is part of the blog and that needs to change too. The Crowtherclan are no more if I am not a Crowther and if I’m honest, I’ve rarely blogged recently due to the fact that it just didn’t feel right. But, I have spent three years building up my blog, I’ve worked hard in becoming established and earning reputable traffic/stats and in turn great opportunities. It makes me sad as changing the name of my blog will result in temporary loss of these benefits but I know now is the time to go for it, keep focused and build everything back up. All my content has been transferred over to this new site so nothing is lost, it’s just a fresh start!
So there we have it. The reason for the name change and an explanation about the new blog URL seeingrainbows.co.uk
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t at all sad about leaving my married name behind and having a different surname to the children is hard but I know this change is an important step in moving on. Sometimes you have to go back, to look forward.