Not the loveliest of posts I appreciate, but we’ve been a very poorly household this week.
It all started after Playgroup on Tuesday. I took Gabriel and Willow to a cafe for some lunch and Gabriel vomited over his lunch as soon as I placed it in front of him. Then all over the shop floor.
Willow then vomited all over me.
A passerby then threw a glass of fizzy drink all over me (well I say threw.. that was accidental. But it added to the drama of the whole episode).
Both Children were screaming and screaming.
Everyone was staring but no one was helping!
It was horrendous. I was stressed.
I am rarely stressed with the Children, especially in public!
(Note to self, always. ALWAYS have a change of clothes for BOTH children in my bag. Always have muslins. Always have at least a pack of wipes 3/4 full)!
I managed to get everyone cleaned up using paper towels (and my cardigan which, incidentally is now the cardigan I used to have) and managed to get Willow breastfed again (whilst soaked in vomit and sticky liquid with a screaming Gabriel) and just as we were leaving a lady came over and said to me,
‘I hope someone is treating you on Sunday- because I think you’re amazing’
Now, I know I am not amazing. Far from it, but right then at that exact moment those words meant so much. I cried.
Thank you stranger lady.
I’d like to say that’s the end of the story, but it’s not. We then went on to have five consecutive days of vomiting and illness.
All of us. It hasn’t all been bad though- I have lost half a stone!
Dave has been off work and although it’s been nice having him around we’ve had a few cross words about who has felt the worst. It’s been so hard because all we’ve wanted to do is lie in bed. But of course Gabriel and Willow had other ideas.
In all seriousness though the reason I am blogging about being poorly this week is to remind myself how hard it is to breastfeed when suffering from such a horrible bug. I have resented breastfeeding this week. I have hated it in fact, and I feel so guilty about it.
I have been so dehydrated, barely able to keep liquids down and I felt that Willow was just taking it all straight back from me making me feel worse. I have asked Dave to give her a bottle on occasions when I just could not face it. I have had cramps, headaches and such horrid dizziness. I feel guilty.
I know its silly to feel guilty about this- in fact so far breastfeeding Willow has been okay, good in fact. But I am not one of those Women that find breastfeeding easy. The opposite in fact. I find it tiring. I find it awkward in public, and I find it painful on occasions.
I don’t feel guilty because I believe ‘Breast is best all the way- no exception’ I actually think although Breast IS best, it absolutely depends on what is best for baby AND Mummy. I feel guilty because I took an easy option which I worry would discourage correct latching. Something Willow is not great with at the best of times. Something we’ve both worked hard to establish. I also feel guilty because I worry it may have reduced my milk supply, again something that never seems that great.
I want to breastfeed my daughter, and I enjoy the bonding that it brings. I will cherish the memories of feeding both Willow and Gabriel, but gosh when I am not feeling well it is so so hard!